Feelings are NOT facts

It was another warm February day in Los Angeles and I was feeling terrible, worried about my second son and ex-wife. I had gotten myself upset and frankly sick over the fact that whatever I tried to do to make them feel better failed.

I was feeling guilty of not being able to fix all the problems they were having and by 4 P.M that afternoon I was a mess.

Over and over I could not stop thinking about their problems with life. After all, they were family. . .my family, I should be able to fix them. So why was I feeling so helpless?

Why was I feeling so much guilt?

It was 7 P.M. in the east as I dialed the phone number of a good friend.

It turns out A.J. is not only a good friend but also a very smart friend and fortunately he answered.

“AJ, I’m feeling terrible and I needed to tell someone.”

“What seems to be troubling you?”

“Everything I try to do to help my ex-wife and son fails and I feel terrible and I don’t know what to do?”

“So, you’re feeling guilty?””


“Yes, guilty that you can’t fix someone else problems.  Why?”

“Because, they are family and I should be able to help them.”

What A.J. said next, immediately made sense to me especially since A.J. is not religious?

“Feelings are NOT facts.”


“Feelings are not facts.”

What a Spiritual thing to say. . .not religious but Spiritual.

Did I think I had more power than God? Obviously, I did. What I needed to do and do immediately to feel better was realize there is a power greater than me involved and that I was trespassing thinking I could. . .should fix someone other than myself.

I was making my situation a lot worse by what I was FEELING and I was FEELING guilty.  The FACT is, and not selfishly, the only person I can fix. . . is me.

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 Jerry writes on personal growth, happiness and life, including lowering stress in the work world. His book “Life is a Joke and God Wrote it” can be ordered through www.jerrystanecki.com

©Stanecki 2018

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Thanks, Jerry


Believe. . . you are in charge!

Written by Jerry Stanecki

I want to be perfectly clear about one thing as you read my blogs. That is, I have NO power over you or anybody.

Neither do you!

All I have is suggestion, and if you like the suggestions I make then you will apply them to your life. . .and your life will get better and easier.

Many of us are trained to go through life minding other people business.

If you’re a parent it is mandatory to teach your children how to take care of theirselves. How to accept being powerless and what it means. . .the true meaning such as being in charge of their life. How fear steals happiness. How bad things seem to always work out and not necessarily work out the way YOUR POWERLESS son or daughter want. Teach them to accept the way things work out as the right way that guides them.

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